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Half Baked


Page: 1 (2) 
Sound Files:
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Thurgood (David Chappelle): "I myself am a master of the custodial arts, or a janitor if you want to be a dick about it."
Size: 69KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 556
Previews: 1127
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Scarface (Guillermo Díaz): "You son-of-a-bitch, I'm right behind you. Turn around and ask me for a hefer with cheese yo. Why you got to make me feel inferior because I'm on the grill B? Damn!"
Size: 98KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 356
Previews: 870
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Brian (Jim Breuer): "Lady, you want seven bucks for a used Kenny Loggins record? I'll give you five." Lady Customer: "No, He autographed it himself." Brian: "Alright, I'll give you four."
Size: 126KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 270
Previews: 575
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Thurgood: "Now, I don't do drugs though. Just weed."
Size: 27KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 667
Previews: 1571
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Thurgood: "What'd you go to weed college?"
Size: 13KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 370
Previews: 1086
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Brian: "Get some sour cream and onion chips, and some dip man, and some beef jerky, and some peanut butter. Get some Haggen Daz ice cream bars, a whole lot of Ha..., make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate man, some popcorn, bread popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows, the little chocolate bars. We'll make some smores man." Scarface: "Yeah, that's what I'm saying yo?" Brian: "Also celery, grape jelly, uh Captain Crunch with the little crunch berries, pizzas. We need two big pizzas man, with everything on them, with water, a whold lot of water, and funions, yeah." Kenny (Harland Williams): "Is that all?" Brian: "Yeah."
Size: 530KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 577
Previews: 857
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The Guy on the Couch (Steven Wright): "Kenny called. He's in jail. He didn't leave a number. Sincerely The Guy on the Couch"
Size: 89KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 250
Previews: 480
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Thurgood: "Hey Kenny, we're gonna get you out of there man." Scarface: "All we got to do is raise ten percent of one million man, which by our calculations is..." Brian: "fuckin' impossible man."
Size: 124KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 247
Previews: 357
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Thurgood: "And your name is?" Mary Jane: "Mary Jane." Thurgood: "Really?"
Size: 43KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 249
Previews: 596
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Mary Jane: "My father is a drug dealer." Thurgood: "Wow, that must have been the shit!" Mary Jane: "It ruined his life." Thurgood: "That must have been shitty."
Size: 82KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 269
Previews: 439
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Scarface: "Yeah, it's bad enough you're a janitor yo." Thurgood: "Custodian DICK!"
Size: 42KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 250
Previews: 685
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Scientist (R.D. Reid): "I know this isn't your responsibility but, uh would you be a dear and run this down to the supply department for me? It's on the second floor." Thurgood: "Just run this down?" Scientist: "Uh yes, but make sure you bring the order right back to me. I need it A.S.A.P." Thurgood: "Got ya. Hey, I know this isn't your responsibility but just mop the rest of this bleep up, I'll be right back."
Size: 228KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 201
Previews: 206
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Supply Clerk (Alice Poon): "Here you go. One pound of marijuana and you can sign for it right here."
Size: 48KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 304
Previews: 596
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Brian: "(Thurgood and Scarface are coughing) Are you sure I should do this man?"
Size: 21KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 263
Previews: 464
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Thurgood: "Hey, who's on munchies tonight?" Scarface: "We should make that lazy bitch The Guy go yo. (The Guy flicks them off but they don't see)"
Size: 49KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 220
Previews: 283
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Thurgood: "This weed was the shiz-nittle-bam-snip-snap-sack"
Size: 40KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 477
Previews: 1149
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Kenny: "I walk around on two legs Homo Erectus. Did I say homo? I didn't mean that."
Size: 113KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 252
Previews: 497
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Brian: "There's got to be forms laying around. I mean, they are scientists."
Size: 61KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 201
Previews: 228
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Thurgood: "What the fuck are you talking about man?"
Size: 24KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 450
Previews: 821
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Thurgood: "Marijuana affects the memory."
Size: 38KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 527
Previews: 940
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Scarface: "Stop being such a wussie yo."
Size: 22KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 305
Previews: 558
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Thurgood: "We're not drug dealers, we're fund raisers."
Size: 34KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 351
Previews: 598
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Scarface: "Of course B." Brian: "Bully man."
Size: 21KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 193
Previews: 299
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Squirrel Master (Tommy Chong): "Chill Nasty Nate, he's my bitch. Anybody's gonna stab him it's gonna be me. You got a problem with that?"
Size: 79KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 257
Previews: 440
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Kenny: "I'm sombody's bitch."
Size: 16KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 456
Previews: 1025
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Kenny: "You guys got to do something. There's this guy in here his name's Nasty Nate whose's after my cocktail fruit. And everyone here likes fresh fish. And then the Squirrel Mastercame out of left field and tolm me I'm his bitch. And help."
Size: 120KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 285
Previews: 341
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Thurgood: "Four years just for weed? Damn!"
Size: 29KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 235
Previews: 418
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Thurgood: "Come on Mary Jane, I mean, do I look like someone who would smoke marijuana?"
Size: 68KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 281
Previews: 349
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Thurgood: "I got some booty. I got some booty. I got some booty."
Size: 58KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 378
Previews: 744
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Enhancement Smoker: "You ever seen the back of a 20 on weed. Oh there's some wierd bleep in there man. There's a dude sitting in the bushes. Does he have a gun? I don't know man. I don't know. What? Red team go. Red team go."
Size: 149KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 305
Previews: 486
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Enhancement Smoker (Jon Stewart): "Did you ever see Scent of a Woman?" Scarface: "Yup." Enhancement Smoker: "You ever seen Scent of a Woman... on weed? That's the way to see it. It's just wacked."
Size: 137KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 233
Previews: 282
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Enhancement Smoker: "Especially on weed man."
Size: 26KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 270
Previews: 538
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Scavenger Smoker (Snoop Doggy Dogg): "That's too bad man. I just stopped smoking yesterday. (takes another hit)"
Size: 53KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 260
Previews: 500
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Historian Smoker (Willie Nelson): "Man, I remember when a dime bag cost a dime. You know what I mean?"
Size: 37KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 290
Previews: 413
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Historian Smoker: "You know how much condoms used to cost back in them days?" Thurgood: "How much?" Historian Smoker: "I don't know. I... We never used them."
Size: 71KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 258
Previews: 305
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Scarface: "fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. You're cool. And fuck you. I'm out."
Size: 74KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 971
Previews: 1280
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Brian: "Don't worry. Don't worry, I'm not gonna do what everyone thinks I'm gonna do and flip out man. All I wanna know is who's coming with me? Who's coming man? Who's coming with me? Huh? Who's coming with me man?" Jan: "I will." Brian: "Jan, thank you Jan yeah."
Size: 427KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 324
Previews: 314
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Brian: "Um Jan, will you be my girlfriend?" Jan (Laura Silverman): "Uh, I would but I'm gay. You know..." Brian: "Oh" Jan: "Yeah, I'm a big dyke."
Size: 113KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 204
Previews: 194
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Sir Smoke-a-lot (David Chappelle): "HE HAD SEX WITH MY MAMA!"
Size: 23KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 415
Previews: 1075
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Sir Smoke-a-lot: "The doctors say I need a backiodemy"
Size: 19KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 385
Previews: 864
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Sir Smoke-a-lot: "Get away from me biatch"
Size: 12KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 477
Previews: 1263
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Sir Smoke-a-lot: "I can't take it no more!"
Size: 19KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 326
Previews: 801
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Kenny: "(singing) All by myself."
Size: 55KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 273
Previews: 539
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Thurgood: "Kenny's butthole was in constant jeopardy."
Size: 29KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 240
Previews: 518
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Brian: "For 400 dollars I got Jerry Garcia in a POUCH man."
Size: 52KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 217
Previews: 341
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Brian: "Cause you're a fibber."
Size: 17KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 201
Previews: 330
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Thurgood: "And the money we do have is not for spending. It's for saving... Kenny's sweet virgin ass man."
Size: 69KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 190
Previews: 192
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Thurgood: "I swear I will BITCH slap you!"
Size: 23KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 482
Previews: 1016
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Thurgood: "We gotta start being more responsibl,e (takes a hit) and focused alright. (takes another hit) Lets be sharp."
Size: 67KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 262
Previews: 312
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Creative Smoker (Janeane Garofalo): "I have killed. I have helped kill. I have killed part of myself. I cannot change this. I... I must seek buddah. I must seek christ." Thurgood: "You must seek therapy."
Size: 185KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 252
Previews: 316
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