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Kathleen Cleary (Jane Seymour): "Just had my tits done. You like 'em?"
John: "Those seem like lovely tits."
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Size: 96KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 388
Previews: 1039
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Jeremy: "Share that with the Dalai Lama, Jackass." |
Size: 24KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 366
Previews: 1051
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Chazz: "Oh! Damn you, Roger! Damn it! Damn you!"
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Size: 100KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 435
Previews: 1065
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Chazz: "Ma, the meatloaf! fuck!" |
Size: 33KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 1373
Previews: 2774
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John: "You met her at a funeral?"
Chazz: "Yeah, I'll throw in a wedding every now and then, but funerals are insane! The chicks are so horny, it's not even fair. It's like fishing with dynamite."
John: "Horny?"
Chazz: "Yeah, crazy horny."
John: "I just-- at a funeral?"
Chazz: "Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac."
John: "Huh?"
Chazz: "Look it up."
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Size: 277KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 355
Previews: 589
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John: "You met her at a funeral?"
Chazz: "Yeah. Dude died in a hang-gliding accident. What an idiot! 'Oh, I'm hang gliding! Honey, take a good picture-- I'm dead!' What a freak!"
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Size: 172KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 373
Previews: 527
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Chazz: "We want it now! The meatloaf! What is she doing? I never know what she's doing back there."
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Size: 91KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 799
Previews: 1638
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John: "You know what? I will have some meatloaf. Let's have some meatloaf."
Chazz: "You want some?"
John: "Yes."
Chazz: "I knew you'd come-- Hey, Mom! The meatloaf! We want it now! The meatloaf!"
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Size: 122KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 545
Previews: 889
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John: "Is this your place?"
Chazz: "No. No no no no no. No, I live with my Ma."
John: "Oh."
Chazz: "Yeah. You hungry? Hey, Ma! Can we get some meatloaf?!"
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Size: 98KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 325
Previews: 487
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Chazz: "goddamn you. I almost numbchucked you, you don't even realize."
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Size: 46KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 597
Previews: 1474
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Chazz: "What the fuck do you want?"
John: "I'm John Beckwith. I'm friends with Jeremy Grey."
Chazz: "goddamnit, Why didn't you say so? Come here, brother! Give me a hug. Bring it in for the real thing."
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Size: 155KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 259
Previews: 464
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Chazz Reinhold (Will Ferrell): "What the fuck do you want?"
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Size: 21KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 534
Previews: 1183
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Chazz's Mom (Kathryn Joosten): "Chazz, there's someone here to see you! Pick up your fucking skateboard!"
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Size: 73KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 257
Previews: 502
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Jeremy: "Gloria, I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately. And, I-I think that I'm ready to take, um, this relationship, our relationship to the next level. To what the next level of the-- of the-- of the relationship would be."
Gloria: "Jeremy!"
Jeremy: "Is that good?"
Gloria: "I am so ready to take it to the next level too. Do you want to watch me with a girl? What about those Brazilian twins we met at the ballgame?"
Jeremy: "I-I was-- I was-- I was thinking more along the lines of an-- of an-- of an engagement. But that sounds terrific. That sounds-- that sounds unbelievable. The Brazilian girls were very nice. They seemed like--"
Gloria: "Oh, Jeremy, I do!"
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Size: 419KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 231
Previews: 303
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Jeremy: "Now bunch those panties up into a little ball. Put that little ball right into your mouth. Oh, that's good."
John: "Hang up the phone."
Jeremy: "Okay, and I will definitely call you back later then."
John: "Come on, wrap it up."
Jeremy: "Talk to you soon. Thank you, Larry."
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Size: 155KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 207
Previews: 308
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Todd: "Jeremy tried to seduce me!"
John: "You did?"
Todd: "I want my painting back."
Jeremy: "The painting was a gift, Todd. I'm taking it with me."
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Size: 123KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 253
Previews: 482
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Jeremy: "I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding? Neither are you. And you wanna know what? I dig it!"
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Size: 82KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 292
Previews: 539
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Jeremy: "She's fit for a staitjacket. This broad's fucked three ways towards the weekend. And you wanna know what? I dig it! It turns me on! Yeah, it turns me on! Because you wanna know what the kicker is, Father? Maybe I'm a little fucking crazy! That's right! Maybe Jeremy's a little nuts! Maybe there's something about me that I'm a little cukoo. I know it's a surprise. I know it's not on the surface. I mean, I had an imaginary friend when I was a kid. His name was Shilo. We used to play checkers with each other every day, and bless his heart, Shilo'd always let me win!" |
Size: 276KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 338
Previews: 507
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Jeremy: "I hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out, you selfish son of a bitch!"
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Size: 49KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 486
Previews: 936
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Jeremy: "Have you even shot one of these things before?"
John: "The whole 17 years we've know each other, I've been sneaking off to go on little hunting trips around the world. No, I don't even know what the bleep a quail is!"
Jeremy: "I feel totally rediculous. Like why do I have to be in camouflage? So the big bad quail doesn't see me?"
John: "I know, it's like, why can't we hunt something cool like a hawk, or an eagle, something with some talons?"
Jeremy: "That'd be awesome. You mean, something like big game even like a gorilla or a rhinoceros."
John: "Rhino."
Jeremy: "Or a bleeping human being? That'll get you jacked up."
John: "That's a little heavy."
Jeremy: "I mean like-- (He pushes John's gun barrel out of his face.) You're hinting a human being right now. The most dangerous game. Like a worth adversary. Not a human being that's armed, but a clever--"
John: "Oh, not armed."
Jeremy: "A clever human being who knows the jungle, or the woods."
John: "Or like a bad guy." |
Size: 464KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 287
Previews: 333
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Jeremy: "Mr. Environmental is also a-a hunter. It's kind of an interesting combination."
Sack Lodge (Bradley Cooper): "I hunt quail, Jeremy! They're overpopulated in this region and they're decimating the grub worm population. You got a fucking problem with that?!"
Jeremy: "Not nearly as much as I do with the, uh, attire that you have on, or just your general view towards everybody. But let's go kill some birds. I'm pyched."
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Size: 202KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 280
Previews: 332
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John: "Yeah, I'm used to sailing down under with the Kiwis, so everything is backwards. Even the toilets, when you flush them, the water spins the opposite way. Really freaks you out the first time you see it."
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Size: 139KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 203
Previews: 147
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Jeremy: "I don't give a baker's fuck!" |
Size: 24KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 306
Previews: 1154
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Jeremy: "I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, John. I'm fried."
John: "Soft mattress?"
Jeremy: "Yeah, that could've been it. It could have been the soft mattress. Or, it could've been the midnight rape... or the nude, gay art show that took place in my room. One of those probably added to the lack of sleep."
John: "Try one of these scones, you're gonna love 'em."
Jeremy: "I'm a little too traumatized to have a scone."
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Size: 157KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 422
Previews: 567
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John: "What is wrong with you?"
Jeremy: "What do you mean what's wrong with-- What's wrong with you?"
John: "No, what's wrong with you?"
Jeremy: "No, what's wrong with you? You're projecting."
John: "Drop it."
Jeremy: "You drop it! You stop projecting on me. Why don't you go enjoy yourself while I go ice my balls and spit up blood?"
John: "Drop it!"
Jeremy: "Team player!"
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Size: 145KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 311
Previews: 402
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Jeremy: "What were they like, anyway? They look pretty good. Are they real? Are they built for speed or for comfort? What you do with 'em? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? (makes motorboat sounds with his lips) You motorboatin' son of a bitch. You old sailor, you! Where is she? She still in the house?"
John: "What is wrong with you?"
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Size: 172KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 687
Previews: 804
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John: "Claire's mom just made me grab her hooters."
Jeremy: "Well, snap out of it! What, a hot, older woman made you feel her cans? Stop crying like a little girl."
John: "I wasn't crying like a little girl."
Jeremy: "Why don't you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family and have some real problems? Jackass!" |
Size: 161KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 401
Previews: 530
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Kathleen: "Call me kitty cat." |
Size: 30KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 340
Previews: 880
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John: "After all, someone has to pay for the, uh, lap dances for the big guy here."
Jeremy: "Oh! He's joking around. It feels so good when he jokes."
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Size: 106KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 230
Previews: 303
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Gloria Cleary (Isla Fisher): "Don't ever leave me."
Jeremy: "Ever."
Gloria: "Good! 'Cause I'd find you. (laughs maniacally)"
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Size: 78KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 418
Previews: 567
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John: "What is his deal?"
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Size: 17KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 228
Previews: 626
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Jeremy: "What happened, Toast?"
John: "I think he's on steroids. It's like trying to cover a fuckin' racehorse."
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Size: 56KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 206
Previews: 399
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Carson Elrod: "Yes! Crabcakes and football, that's what Maryland does!"
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Size: 54KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 336
Previews: 530
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Jeremy: "She took me below decks for 45 minutes. I don't have any bodily fluids left in me."
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Size: 40KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 251
Previews: 539
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John: "You better lock it up."
Jeremy: "You better lock it up."
John: "No, you lock it up."
Jeremy: "You lock it up."
John: "Lock it up."
Jeremy: "Lock it up!"
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Size: 54KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 441
Previews: 673
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Jeremy: "Do you know what that awareness is, Gloria?"
Gloria: "What?"
Jeremy: "That we're all one. That separateness is an illusion, and that I'm one with everyone-- with the Prime Minister of England, and my cousin Harry, you and me, the fat kid from 'What's Happening,' the Olsen twins, Natalie Portman, the guy who wrote 'Catcher in the Rye,' Nat King Cole, Carrot Top, Jay-Z, Wierd Al Yankovic, Harry Potter, if he existed, the whore on the street corner, your mother. We're all one."
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Size: 497KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 205
Previews: 234
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Secretary Cleary: "Perhaps, I should take it easier on him."
John: "Perhaps."
Todd Cleary (Keir O'Donnell): "Death, you are my bitch lover!"
Secretary Cleary: "Todd, that's good! Tell that mean ocean!"
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Size: 170KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 208
Previews: 223
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Treasury Secretary William Cleary (Christopher Walken): "What's he got te be so morose about?"
John: "Maybe he hasn't found something to believe in."
Secretary Cleary: "Oh, he says he believes in art, but all I've seen him do is dribble his own blood on a canvas and smear it around with a stick!"
John: "You know, some people call that art."
Secretary Cleary: "It's crap!"
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Size: 177KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 211
Previews: 146
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Jeremy: "Who else wants something?"
Bratty Kid (Dylan James Turner): "I want a bicycle."
Jeremy: "A bicycle? Well, a bicycle, that would take a lot of balloons and honestly Uncle Jeremy's a little tired right now so why don't we do something like, uh, let's say a giraffe?"
Bratty Kid: "I just want a bicycle!"
Jeremy: "Why-why are you yelling at me?"
Bratty Kid: "Whatever, make me a bicycle, clown!"
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Size: 230KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 278
Previews: 233
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Jeremy: "Fifth row back with the fancy hat. I like that."
John: "No, no, don't waste your time on girls with hats, they tend to be very proper."
Jeremy: "Yeah? The proper girl in the hat just eye-fucked the shit out of me."
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Size: 152KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 299
Previews: 276
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Jeremy: "He gave us a legacy."
John: "You make it sound like a cult, okay? And from everything you've told me about Chazz, he sound's like a kook!"
Jeremy: "You bite your tongue. Chazz Reinhold is not a kook! He is a brave and a decent man. He is a pioneer!"
John: "He lived with his mother till he was 40! She tried to poison his oatmeal!"
Jeremy: "Erroneous! Erroneous! Erroneous on both counts!"
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Size: 205KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 268
Previews: 209
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Vivian: "Would you say you're completely full of shit or just 50%?"
John: "I hope just 50, but who knows?"
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Size: 82KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 269
Previews: 398
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Jeremy: "I feel so tiny in your arms."
Wedding Guest (???): "Really, how tall are you?"
Jeremy: "I'm 6'5", but I feel like I'm four feet."
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Size: 100KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 196
Previews: 190
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John: "You know how they say we only use ten percent of our brains?"
Wedding Guest (Melanie Anneke Conopask): "Mmm?"
John: "I think we only use ten percent of our hearts."
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Size: 83KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 220
Previews: 153
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Jeremy: "Tatoo on the lower back. Might as well be a bull's-eye."
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Size: 37KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 367
Previews: 629
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John: "Shamun O'Toole."
Jeremy: "Bobby O'Shea."
John: "I'm ready to get drunk."
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Size: 46KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 296
Previews: 547
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John: "You sandbagging son of a bitch!"
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Size: 23KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 468
Previews: 1065
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Janice: "I've got the perfect girl for you."
Jeremy: "Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough? Am I interested. I'm not really interested. Should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested? But I think she might be interested, but do I want to be interested, but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door 'cause then it's awkward, it's like 'Well, good night.' Do you do like that ass-out hug, where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out because you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called 'just the tip', just for a second, just to see how it feels. or, 'Ouch, ouch you're on my hair.'"
Janice: "Okay."
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Size: 530KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 375
Previews: 363
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John: "Great. Great. Let's sign the paperwork and we are done."
Jeremy: "This is just semantics. If you guys want to throw a couple miles at us, we'll take a couple. The big thing is, is that we're all moving on."
Mr. Kroeger: "Could you two just not talk anymore?"
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Size: 126KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 189
Previews: 144
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Jeremy: "It's a good time, do you know what I mean?"
John: "Yeah."
Jeremy: "Rubbing up against each other, just a couple of kids who like to fuck, trying to make it honest. I get it." |
Size: 69KB
Format: WAV
Downloads: 264
Previews: 382
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